It Happens: Finding Strength in Failure
I still remember the day I failed the written portion of my comprehensive exam. Even as I write this, I feel the shame gremlins creeping in, whispering, Don’t share that publicly. What will people think? But that’s exactly why I’m sharing it. We need to normalize failure, embrace vulnerability, and challenge the grip of perfectionism.
The stakes felt impossibly high that day. The exam was a major hurdle determining whether I could move on to an internship—essentially, my next big step in becoming a psychologist. My classmates and I had spent months preparing. I wanted to feel ready. I hoped I was ready.
But as soon as I walked into the room, anxiety took over. I worried that I hadn’t studied enough, and those thoughts snowballed the moment I glanced around the room. Everyone else seemed to be typing furiously, while I was struggling just to steady my breathing.
I started typing, but my thoughts were foggy, my answers jumbled. I erased and rewrote at least twice, second-guessing myself the entire time. When the exam ended, I got the call I dreaded: I’d failed. I was the only one in my class who didn’t pass.
I felt crushed. Ashamed. I started questioning everything—Was I even meant to be a psychologist?
A few days later, something unexpected happened. A classmate from the year ahead of me approached me, and I reluctantly admitted that I’d failed. He said something I’ll never forget: “It happens.” Then he asked if I wanted help preparing for the retake.
Those two simple words—“It happens”—shifted my perspective. They reminded me that failure isn’t a reflection of my worth, but a natural part of life.
Think about it: LeBron doesn’t make every shot. Not every NFL team makes it to the Super Bowl. Failure is proof that you’re trying. And when you’re willing to learn from it, failure becomes one of life’s greatest teachers.
For me, the key was identifying what went wrong. My grade wasn’t a reflection of my intellect; it was my anxiety that had derailed me. I realized how my anxiety had affected my decision-making during the test, and with my classmate’s help, I began to prepare differently. I also worked on managing my anxiety, approaching the material with more confidence and calm.
When I retook the exam, I brought a new mindset with me: grace and self-compassion. I reminded myself that my worth isn’t tied to a grade. This time, I passed—actually, I did really well. But here’s the thing: the grade wasn’t the victory.
The real win was understanding that failure isn’t fatal. It’s a step, not the end. Recovery is possible as long as you don’t give up on yourself.
Reflection Prompt:
What’s one failure you’ve experienced that taught you a valuable lesson, and how can you use that insight to grow?
Remember: failure isn’t the opposite of success; it’s part of the journey.
Rooting for your resilience,
Dr. Brooklyn Chick 🌱✨
